Walking around hallways in Engineering can get interesting when you see a black poster with a random helical shape that is supposed to look like DNA sample accompanied by two lines at the bottom right corner in ten point font saying: “Code Faster”. I seriously contemplated scribbling an arrow pointing to the poster saying, “Call, for a good time: 519-888-4567 x3100″.

For those who don’t know, that gets you straight to UW parking services.

Anyway, this was about Apple’s Information Seminar that happened last term in the Spring. Not sure how much of a good time one can have at an information seminar, but I decided to check it out anyway. Besides, they were raffling out an iPod and who doesn’t want a free iPod you can eBay for beer money?

DC Fishbowl: As soon as I walk in, I’m greeted by people dressed in black adorned with phony smiles (the ones that look like they had pickles inserted up their ass which were never removed during the duration of the seminar, not until I left anyway). I sit down and wait. People who even remotely pay attention to me will know at least one thing about me: I’m always late. It’s almost like my life is offset by about five to ten minutes. That discussion will be continued in a later session.

Twenty minutes later (so they are twenty five minutes late), a blaring video is played that showcases how cool Apple and it’s products are. Then, an annoying buzz is heard from the laptop that was proudly amplified in the room. I can only guess what everyone was thinking: Apple thinks different.

They spend an hour and a half trying to get two points across: Apple is currently one of the most profitable companies in the computer industry and that Apple only hires cool guys and hot chicks. Then there was the QA session where exactly one person asked one question. Then they started handing out a free song coupon for the iTunes music store and suddenly, everyone and their laptop had something to ask. By the end, they handed out the coupons to everyone so we all practice safe downloading of music (almost felt like a sexuality studies seminar complete with condoms stapled to brochures on safe sex with the “Don’t steal sex” comment at the bottom of the fine print).

The main presenter (I forget his designation) seemed so happy about Apple, I was wondering if it was just the medium cup of Tim Hortons coffee that he was high on. Or the hope of scoring with one of the hot chicks. Regardless, he didn’t like it when someone pointed out the buzzing laptop and the fact that employees typically put in 80 hour work weeks. All he could say was, those work hours are necessary because iPods need to look cooler and it allows for more innovative products for everyone (iPod socks, remember those? Still retailing for $39).

Two and a half hours later, I got out wondering why I chose to spend my time in DC as opposed to, you know, doing something that makes me think I’m cooler than that. They were handing out the black posters, so I took one just so I could take a picture and show it to the whole world what a waste of black ink it is. Are you a PC? Are you a Mac? No, you’re just a snob.