MathNews is what you get when your goal in life is to type up as much random crap as you possibly can in a span of week and use a colourful title page as garnish.

MathNews has to be one of the worst collection of nonsense in existence. It is produced by credible editors such as “MastHead”, “SheepSkin”, and “Pi”, and distributed in the concrete prison they call “MC”. Not in math at UW? Me neither. I’ve gone through several since I always conduct some research before spewing out hatred. My complaints with MathNews include:

Fillers! There are fillers everywhere. Most common way to fill up white space is by using the word “filler!”. Way to go, you creative zealots. What’s wrong with some white space?

Then there’s “Prof Quotes”, which wouldn’t be so bad if the profs were actually funny. I visualize hundreds of geeks hunched over going “LOL” in their heads after reading ‘hilarious’ quotes such as:

• “If you know everything, then don’t show up.” – Thanks for the tip, Captain Obvious.
• “Don’t you guys watch the home and garden network?” – No, we don’t, you moron.
• “This formula is pretty cool as far as math formulas go.” – This is a ‘Ny’ quote. For you mathies, it’s Funny – Fun = Ny.

Next up, is “HorrorScopes”. This is basically a mathematical take on Astrology. This section defies any rational description. Predictions are pulled out of cookie jar and scrambled until they make less sense than they originally did. This section is what you get when someone like Einstein mumbles in his sleep about how everyone is going to have awesome parties and sucky exams.

Lastly and leastly, it is the “House of Nerds”. Once upon a time, there was a little house filled with math nerds. Occasionally, they would interact with each other by saying, “Hi!”, or by simply reciting the first few thousand digits of pi as a form of respect. Then one guy decides to sketch these insignificant, mind numbingly boring tragedies. Viola! The House of Nerds.

And as always, every publication comes with a bonus unsolveable gridword, incomprehensible poetry, and comics where the artwork looks like it was pissed by dogs on snow. You put all of this together and hit the print button to get MathNews. Enough said.