1. Can I hire you?

Absolutely, a brief list of my (dis)qualifications have been outlined in my resume which can also be accessed conveniently by clicking on the tab at the top that reads, “Resume”.

2. Can I date you?

Only if you’re a female living across the road, super hot, between 18 and 22 years of age, sane, and single. I also prefer women between 5′ 2” and 5′ 8”, weight of 100-136.4 lb and minimum cup size of B and maximum cup size of D. You must have blonde hair during the day, but be a brunette at night, have green eyes and keep your hair at least 14.2” long but no longer than 22.8”, and also wear make up every day. You must not have a PhD, must not have more than 2 real cats and have 0 virtual pets. You must speak in at least 3 different languages and have the desire to learn many more and teach them to me at my convenience. Cooking and cleaning the house goes without saying and I would prefer someone who has been trained in the military to protect me and can drive me to work in a Porsche. Please be able to bear at least 11 children for my soccer team and also work 3 jobs since I’d like to be able to tip my lap dancers well. My expectations in life are modest, as always.

3. Are you hot and muscular?

You won’t believe.

4. Why did you choose WordPress as your hosting solution?

Because Xanga has ugly blogs, Spaces is by Microsoft, Blogger doesn’t allow static pages like this one, LiveJournal looks like it’s still stuck in 1999, and TypePad is not free. Also, WordPress has an excellent, uncluttered, ad-free interface.

5. What do you do for a living?

My resume should highlight all the valuable experiences I’ve gained by being in the workforce. In the future, I hope to manufacture squirrel hotdogs on a large scale, and drive around the city in a tank which would allow me to “skip” traffic lights. I also have plans to produce robots who will take out my garbage and serve me beer. My secondary plans include producing clones who will go on dates while I’m making a difference in people’s lives by churning out spreadsheets and reports at work.
Right now, I’m remotely involved in a program they call “Mechatronics“. I usually clip my fingernails in class and show up half hour late for exams in order to enjoy the added intensity.

6. What kind of music do you listen to?

The best kind of music out there. My music is better than yours, see for yourself:

http://www.last.fm/user/rantdepot/

7. Do you take any photos?

The Best Photographs in the World: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rantdepot/

8. How can I contact you?

Only messages with the following keywords in the subject line will be responded to: Porsche, hot girl, iPod, Maddox, music, get a job at Google, million dollars, and Nigerian stock market. Leave a comment on this post and I’ll never get back to you.